Taking the Easy Way Out
by SarahlovesA
Summary: An extended version of the story for the multi-author fic, 'Shotgun–Conversations in the Car'. Are Kate & Rick lost to each other forever? Is Kate about to make the biggest mistake of her life? Not if Jim can help it. Epilogue added!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**__ This was originally written, prompted by the great __Tiff098765, for the multi-author fic, __'Shotgun – Conversations in the Car', __which began life on the ABC Castle boards. It started out as a one shot, but people suggested I write the conversation between R and K. Then it got out of control and I also included a scene that is not in a car! So I am posting the extended version here, as requested by some. Thank you to those people for their encouragement and kind words, and, of course, to Tiff, who encourages us all to be better writers. _

_So, if you have read the story as part of 'Shotgun', the 'missing scene' is in Chapters 3,4 and 5._

_It may seem angsty at first - but I promise you that I am a Caskett supporter to the core, and I would never end a story with a sad Richard Castle. I just couldn't do it!_

_I am posting in fairly short chunks as I have been told my chapters can be too long! _

_Any reviews would absolutely make my day, as they are oxygen to novice writers who are not sure if they have a clue about this writing lark! :)_

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. Not in this universe, anyway._

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><p>The rain was beating against the windows of the limousine in a mind-numbing staccato. Inside, all the two passengers could see was the spray of water thrown up from the road, meeting the heavy drops pelting down. It was a melancholy, grey, dreary day, which suited the mood inside the car. The atmosphere was thick with tension and the unsaid words pouring silently out of them made both feel that they were suffocating. Yet neither spoke; each was clueless about how to start.<p>

The man shifted in his seat for the hundredth time and cleared his throat. "Honey." Then he stopped, unsure what should come next. What he had to say was so huge, so life-changing, that he was terrified of the result of actually putting the words out there. He had tried to broach the subject so many times in the last few weeks. But he was a coward. That is what he had told himself so many times.

There had never seemed to be a right time, and when he had tried to say something in a less direct way, she had not understood. Sometimes he had felt that she had deliberately misread him because she did not want to talk about it. Or maybe he was completely wrong and she _was _doing the right thing. But the little voice in his head would not stop whispering, _'Don't do this, Katie; don't do this_.' However, it was too late to stop it, wasn't it?

The woman was fiddling with the ring on her finger, twisting it round and round. It was a huge solitaire diamond that, even in the dull light inside the car, sparkled enticingly. Her head felt burdened with the weight of her thick, auburn hair wound into an elaborate bun and the two other items of headgear she was wearing on top of it. It was a conscious effort to lift her chin up as her neck felt too weak to support her head. Her dress was so tight and heavy that she felt like she was in a straitjacket.

It was cool in the limo, but she could feel a little, icy, trickle of sweat running down her back. She bit her lip, but then remembered the hours it had taken to do her face, including a bright red lipstick that she was not so sure about, but which the make-up girl had assured her was the height of fashion. She was exhausted from having all these people fussing over her for so long.

She would have liked to get ready by herself, but he had insisted that they 'do it properly', make a big splash. He had said 'We owe it to our positions in society to have a suitably upscale occasion.' She had wanted something much quieter and more intimate. Something more like her mother would have liked. However, he had been so excited that she had not had the heart to deny him his big day, the day he wanted for her. She had gone along with the flow, letting the mad rush of planning and organising go ahead. Letting it all wash over her because it was a great distraction from memories of 'before'.

How she hated that her life was now clearly divided into 'before' and 'after' she had been shot. She had always been someone who was in charge of every aspect of her life. Now, 'after', it often seemed easier to let others take control. She was too tired to do it all alone anymore.

She felt like a huge weight was pressing down on her. There were so many thoughts that she wanted not to be in her head. So many things that she did not dare to think about. So many words she wanted to say; but it was too late now, wasn't it? Wasn't it?

…**.**

"Katie."

Hearing her name, she turned towards the man beside her. "What?" When he stayed silent, she twisted so that she could see his face. "You look like we're going to a funeral! What is it?"

"I..." Still he could not continue.

"You've been weird for days. You've hardly said two words to me for weeks. What's going on? This is supposed to be a happy day! But you have been so miserable! What is it?"

"Nothing, honey. This is your day. I just feel sad that your mother isn't here to see it."

"No, that's not it. I mean, I get that. I wish she were here, too. This should be her day as well. But that's not what's put that tragic expression on your face. That's not what drove you to visit a bar last week."

"I didn't drink anything! And how the heck did you find out?"

"Your sponsor called me. He thought I should know."

Father and daughter looked at each other for a long moment. Kate Beckett thought he looked dapper in his tuxedo, though uncomfortable and not really like himself. The groom had insisted on the most formal clothes for everyone and she had had no energy to argue. Jim Beckett's face did not reflect the happiness a man is supposed to feel on his daughter's wedding day. He looked tired and sad; the lines on his face were etched more deeply than they had been a few months before.

First there had been the strain of the shooting and the investigation into the Dragon. Kate had constantly been in danger until a few weeks ago when they had finally been able to bring him to justice. That had taken its toll. But her shock announcement not long after the case was closed should have delighted him. She had chosen a handsome, wealthy, successful man who treated her like a princess.

So the news should have smoothed some of those lines away. Instead, the whole situation had just added to them and brought him closer to having a drink than he had been since the week Kate was shot. Luckily, Rick Castle had been there to stop him that time. This time, he had had the sense to call his sponsor before he took that fatal step.

…**.**

Jim Beckett knew that his Katie looked a vision designed to take any man's breath away. The complicated hairstyle, showing off her shining waves of hair. The expensive, snowy white, antique, lace veil. The glittering diamond tiara, borrowed for the occasion. The very full, highly structured, white satin dress from one of New York's finest designers hugging the curves of her long, elegant body.

He had been surprised at her choice as it seemed far too fancy for his Katie, but he knew that the groom's mother had been deeply involved in all aspects of the wedding planning, including the dress, which she had insisted on buying, as it was way out of Jim Beckett's price range. Jim had the feeling that Kate had allowed most of the wedding decisions to be made by others, as if she did not care one way or the other.

He shifted his gaze to the seat opposite where she had placed the wedding bouquet. It was a strongly, almost cloyingly, scented mix of scarlet roses and various other red and white flowers. Kate and her mother had never been that fond of red flowers, but Jim supposed that the wedding planner and her future mother-in-law must have chosen them.

He turned back to his daughter and looked closely at her face, which had far more make-up on it than normal. Underneath the flawless foundation, she was pale. And, though she was trying to smile, it did not reach her eyes. If you looked into those bright green depths, you could see the strain she was under. She did not seem like a woman on the happiest day of her life.

However, she was trying to play the part, and she took her father's hand, saying with what he could tell was false jollity, "Come on, Dad. You know what they say. You're not losing a daughter; you're gaining a son."

That desperate attempt to appear cheerful broke her father's heart. Enough was enough.

He pressed the intercom button and asked the driver to pull over. Kate tried to ask him what he was doing but he lifted a hand as if to silence her. He sat upright, took a deep breath and said what he knew to be true but had not had the courage to voice before.

"He's not the son I would have chosen for you, Katie, because I don't think you love him."

Kate Beckett gasped and she pulled her hand away from his as if his touch burned her.

"What... What the hell are you talking about?" Her face was rigid with anger, and the blusher and lipstick looked like spots of red paint on a doll as the colour drained away from her skin.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. _

**Chapter 2**

"Katie, sweetheart, you know exactly what I mean. Josh is not the man for you and in your heart you know that."

She shifted as far away from him as she could on the seat. She was trembling with suppressed fury and her voice was ominously quiet as she tried to stop herself from screaming at him. "And you decide to tell me NOW that you feel this way! When we're on the way to a church where four hundred people are waiting for me!"

"I've tried to talk to you before but you shut me out. You shut everyone out. You can't tell me that Lanie was very happy with this sudden decision to marry Josh, only a short time after you left hospital. You told me she wasn't very supportive."

"What's the matter with you all? Josh was there for me throughout my recovery. He gave up going abroad, he helped me. He even moved in with me."

"Rick Castle offered you his house in the Hamptons and his loft to stay in. He was willing to get you anything you needed to help you recover. You refused everything and you pushed him away. I thought he was your best friend, your partner."

"Well, so did I and look where that got me."

Her voice broke a little and he could see that her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"He told me to walk away from the case. He didn't stand with me. He let Roy be killed. He said 'Always' but he didn't mean it."

She couldn't go on and her head drooped lower and lower. Her hands were clenching and unclenching as she fought to keep her emotions in check.

'Katie, both Roy and I asked him to convince you to walk away. He didn't want to do that, but he did it for our sakes. Roy called me about his conversation with Castle, and we were both in agreement that the case would get you killed. We knew that only Castle could get through to you."

Kate slowly raised her head. Her voice came out in the smallest whisper, so that he had to lean closer to hear what she was saying. 'I didn't know that. No one ever told me. Why didn't anyone tell me?"

This last sentence was almost shouted. She looked him full in the face and he could see that the tears had finally spilled over and were making tracks in the makeup.

"Didn't Rick tell you?... No that's not the kind of man he is. And when he saw that Josh was there and you seemed to want only him, then Rick walked away. He is really something."

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><p>There was a long pause and he heard Kate take a deep breath.<p>

"Yes, yes he is." She laughed bitterly, a shocking sound at that point. "What the hell am I doing?"

She dragged the veil and tiara off her head, wincing as she pulled out a lot of pins with them, and threw the expensive fripperies onto the seat next to the bouquet. The bouquet that she had hated on sight.

There was a minute of silence as they each marshalled their thoughts. "Katie..." "Dad..."

They both spoke at once, but Kate took her father's hand in hers and said, "Dad, let me say something. Let me explain."

"It has been a terrible few months. Roy was killed and I couldn't save him. I got shot and it took so long to recover. I'm not sure I'll ever be back to normal. Then the strain of trying to catch the guy. Mom's case has been my whole life for so long. It's why I became a cop. When the case was closed, I felt rudderless, like I didn't know how to steer myself into the next stage of my life. I even thought about leaving the force and going back to school.. I have always thought of myself as a really strong person, and now I just don't recognise who I am anymore. I had no clue what to do with myself and, on top of that, I thought that Rick had let me down, Yet I still wanted him to fight for me. But he didn't. He just let Josh take over." Her voice faltered on that last sentence.

"He thought that's what you wanted. So he backed off to give you and Josh space. That's what he told me when I asked him why he was no longer around."

"Well, it looked to me like he had given up. When Josh proposed, it seemed like a lifeline, like a place of safety. It gave me something to do, something to be. Mrs Josh Davidson. All the decisions were taken out of my hands. It was so easy, so quiet. Being with Rick Castle is like being in the eye of a storm. Being with Josh is peaceful."

"But, Katie, do you love him? Finding your soul mate is like being battered by storm winds sometimes. It's tempestuous and difficult and totally disrupts your life, but you find your safe harbour together, if you're lucky."

"Like you and Mom did. Not everyone is lucky like that. And look what happens if you lose your soul mate. I don't ever want to be hurt like that again, like I was when Mom died. I do love Josh, but not so much that I have no independence left. My heart still belongs to me. If I lost my soul mate, I wouldn't survive it. You nearly didn't survive it."

"It was terrible, but I'm still here, and I would rather have had that time with her than a lifetime of second best. It was worth every second of the pain I've felt since she died."

He pulled his hand from her grasp and lifted her chin so that he could look into her eyes, which were filled with doubt and confusion.

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><p>"I don't know what to do, Dad. If I let myself love Richard Castle, then I'll lose myself in him and that's the most terrifying thing of all. It would be all or nothing with him. I can't allow that."<p>

"Katie, what would your mother think of you just settling for something? For not being brave enough to risk all to have all. And I think it's a crock to talk about 'letting' yourself love Castle. You already love him. I've known that from pretty much the first time you ever told me about this annoying writer who'd started shadowing you."

She could not help her lips turning up into a smile at that. But then the enormity of her situation suddenly hit her and she flung herself into her father's arms, seeking comfort there as she had when a child.

"What am I going to do, Dad? What am I going to do?" she whispered into his chest.

He tightened his arms around her and murmured soothingly into her hair. 'It's alright, Katie-girl, we'll sort it out, don't you worry." He had not called her that since she was very small and it made her feel as if she were no longer alone in all this.

Once she had calmed down, he cupped her face in his hands and said gently, "We're going to stop this nonsense right now."

"But, Dad, we can't! There are so many people waiting for me! And I can't do this to Josh. He doesn't deserve this!"

"He doesn't deserve a wife who's pining for someone else. He's entitled to find his soul mate, just like everyone."

She had no answer to that. So she just nodded her head slightly, closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat. Kate Beckett, erstwhile control freak, was content to let someone else take charge.

Jim opened the door and stepped out of the car onto the wet pavement. He pulled out his cell phone and made the first call. "Javier. I know we're late. I'll be there in a short while to explain..."

A few minutes later he made a second call. "Hello, this is Jim Beckett….. Well, I'm calling as I need a favour from you...Great! I'd heard you'd gone out of town, but I had a feeling you might be here... Yes, yes, you're right; we should be at the wedding but there's been a change of plan... I need you to come and get Kate."

Jim smiled as he ended the call. The next few hours, even days, would be difficult. It would not be the easy way, but it would be right. In the end, his daughter would be with her man, safe and loved and happy. And that was all he had ever wanted.

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><p><em>Ok, the 'missing scene, which was not put on the Shotgun thread, as it takes place in Kate's apartment, starts in Chapter 3. Should I continue posting? Is anyone interested? Let me know if you are, just by pressing that little blue link below. Feedback makes all the effort worthwhile! :-)<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. _

**Chapter 3**

Jim Beckett climbed back into the limousine. Kate was still laying back, her head resting against the seat, her eyes closed. She looked weary and defeated, not something her father was used to seeing in his once feisty, headstrong, independent daughter. He wanted to hug her and chase the demons away, but he knew that it was time for some straight talking.

He sat next to her, saying, "Katie, look at me.' Somewhat reluctantly, she opened her eyes and turned slightly towards her father. "Dad, why are we still here? We're so late for the wedding. Josh must be …." A spasm of guilt passed over her face.

Jim gently interrupted her, taking her hand as he said, "Josh will be fine. I'm going to sort it all out."

"But…"

"No buts, sweetheart. Let me be the parent, just for once. You've been taking care of me for far too long. It's time I acted like your dad. If I had done that before, we wouldn't be in this situation right now.

"Dad, it's not your fault. I…"

"Katie, you need to let me speak. Please."

She sat up a little straighter, took a deep breath and said, "Ok, but is there any water in here? I could really do with a drink."

"Me too," he said, somewhat wryly.

"Dad, that's just not funny!" but her stern tone was moderated by an almost smile hovering on her lips. They looked at each other with an affection they found hard to express. Jim opened the little fridge in the car and handed her a bottle of icy cold water. She opened it and drank it in one swallow, her long, slim throat gulping it down, like a person dying of thirst.

Some drops spilled on the hideously expensive wedding gown she was wearing, but she looked at the water stain with complete indifference. The dress felt alien to her. It had been as if she were in the wrong body for the longest time, as if her skin did not belong to her. The wedding had been a great distraction from that awful sensation, though she had not been able to escape her thoughts at night. Since the shooting, she had hardly had one good night's sleep. Except for one night.

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><p>As she finished the last few drops in the bottle, the image flashed in front of her of the last time she had been able to sleep properly, without the recurring nightmares that haunted her almost every night. The ones where she was screaming for her mother, for Roy, for Castle, all the while knowing she was too late. Why was Castle always part of that group? The ones where she relived the awful, but strangely painless, at first, sensation of being shot. People shouting, vivid green grass and blue sky, scarlet rivers of blood, bright sunlight, purple shadows, the smell of gunpowder, the crack of a single gunshot.<p>

All were mixed up into a kaleidoscope of sensory details that swirled round and round in her head, until she invariably clawed her way back to consciousness, waking up drenched with sweat, tears streaming down her face. It had made her dread going to bed unless she was completely exhausted. She would make herself stay up as late as possible so that she would be too tired for the nightmares. It rarely worked.

She thought back to that night, the first night she had been back in her apartment. Josh had had an emergency at the hospital, her father was sick with the 'flu and the boys and Lanie were working. Jim Beckett had sent Richard Castle to take her home, after the final round of checks and tests, which had taken far too long, so that it was late before she could actually leave.

Being in the car with Castle had felt awkward, as he had been around so little. Yet she was grateful for his solid, comforting presence. He even tried to make a few wisecracks and start some of the old bantering back and forth between them. But it seemed forced and insincere and they soon lapsed into silence. On the way home, he stopped to get her a coffee from her favourite place, just like he used to do, before. She was touched at the gesture, but, one sip, and she was transported back to her old life.

That past life when Castle was her shadow who had become her trusted partner. When she had known that Captain Montgomery was in his office whenever she needed him. When she could always rely on the strength and power of her body. She was not sure she could ever taste coffee again without tasting death and loss. The coffee remained unfinished; something which did not escape Castle's notice, though, with the reticence which seemed a part of him now, he said nothing. She found she missed the old Rick, who had often engaged mouth before engaging brain.

* * *

><p>After they had arrived at her flat, Castle insisted on staying with her until she went to sleep and she had felt too weak to argue. Weak from her injury and from trying to fathom out what was going on between the writer and herself. He had hardly seen her in the previous few weeks, mainly just sending her messages and gifts.<p>

Yet here he was; his old, overprotective self. She had felt an ache in the pit of her stomach at how good that felt, to have him fussing over her again. She had tried to summon up some of the old Beckett irritation at him, but with little success. All she could think was how much she had missed him.

She had gone to bed early that night and fallen asleep, only to be woken by one hand caressing her hair, another touching her face, and a deep, soft, familiar voice whispering, "Shh, it's ok. It's ok. I'm here." When she became fully conscious, she realized that she was wet with sweat. Castle was kneeling by her side, comforting her. Another nightmare.

She tried to sit up, and, realizing she was awake, his hands dropped away and he stood up. The loss of contact made her feel suddenly very cold. She turned the bedside light on and saw him standing awkwardly by the bed, looking down at her. 'You were having a nightmare. I was just…."

Shocked that it seemed like he might be apologising, she interrupted him, "Yes, I have them a lot. Thank you for being here and trying to help." _How has our relationship turned into this? _she thought in despair.

His mouth opened and, for one heart-stopping moment, she thought that he might be going to say it. Their word. But he just coughed self-consciously and nodded his head slightly. If she had had the strength, she thought she might just have punched him straight on the nose. She knew she was being irrational, but he had not lost the ability to push her buttons. _Yes, but what exactly is he doing wrong? He's being sweet, supportive and respectful, and still you want to punch him. What's that all about?_

Annoyed with herself, she swung her legs slowly out of bed. He quickly moved out of the way, as if afraid that he might accidentally touch her, but not going too far, in case she needed him to help her. She felt like shouting at him, but restrained herself, giving him a somewhat forced smile and saying, "Thank you for staying here. It was very kind."

"No problem." _NO PROBLEM!_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. _

_**A/N**: Very slightly M rated in one part, so, children, please skip to the next chapter!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Not trusting herself to speak, she went to the bathroom for a quick shower, to get rid of that sweaty, post-nightmare feeling. At the door of the bathroom, she heard him say, 'Beckett." When she turned round, his face was unreadable in the dim light, and his voice was very tentative.

"Would you like me to stay?"

"Do you want to stay?"

"I asked first."

"Well, I wouldn't want you to do anything you don't want to!"

"I won't!"

God, now they were indulging in bad teenage movie dialogue! There was a tense moment of silence while they glared at each other, and then, because they both had a keen sense of the ridiculous, they started laughing.

When the laughter died down, Kate turned to go into the bathroom. With her back to Castle, she said, "I'd like it if you stayed." "Then I'll stay." She was glad he could not see the way his answer made her smile.

Somehow, that broke the ice. When she came back, he was sitting in the chair near her bed, and there was no more talk of him going home, not yet. She explained about the nightmares, and he said nothing profound, but he was still able to make her feel better. They ended up talking long into the night; about her physical rehab, Alexis, Martha, Jim, the boys. Nothing scary or painful; just two friends chatting. He was not flirty at all, and she was grateful to him for that, but she found herself missing his usual suggestive banter.

When she realised that it was late, and it was getting cold, it seemed natural to tell him to climb under the covers with her. The thought of Josh never once entered her mind. Castle kept to his side of the bed, the perfect gentleman, and they talked and talked, until they drifted off to sleep.

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><p>When she woke up in the morning, she became aware of four things. One, she had slept without any reoccurrence of the nightmares, so she felt properly rested, for the first time in far too long. Two, she was nestled up against a well-developed chest, with a pair of strong arms holding her snugly, and her head resting on a broad shoulder. Three, one of her arms was wound tightly round someone's waist. Four, she felt happy, actually happy. She opened her eyes and saw an expanse of light blue cotton. Tilting her head up a little, she saw a strong jawline and nose. Looking up further, she realised that a pair of bright blue eyes were looking down at her.<p>

"Morning, Kate." The old twinkle was there in his eyes as he smiled at her. She buried her face in his chest, not wanting him to see the emotions that sparkle of fun and affection created in her. His arms tightened around her and she could not help giving a little sigh. She felt him plant the lightest of kisses on the top of her head and pull her in even closer.

Couldn't she just stay here for a while longer? Forever? These sensations of feeling safe, of comfort and warmth, of contentment, were things she used to take for granted. But not anymore.

They stayed like that for a while. Both hardly dared to breathe, in case it shattered the fragile détente that seemed to have got them here to this place. A place where everything suddenly seemed so simple, and so right.

She realised that she was very thirsty; she was annoyed that something so prosaic would mean leaving Richard Castle's embrace, but she needed some water. She took her arm off his waist and lifted her head up, shifting her body slightly. This brought her eyes almost to a level with his, and their noses were almost touching. Blue looked into green and both saw their own reflection in the other's eyes. The emotions he could not hide made tears prickle behind her eyes.

She could not stop herself. Her gaze flicked down to his mouth, which was curved into a slight smile, then back up to his eyes. When he saw that, his pupils contracted and he gripped her even tighter. His large hands were strong on her back. He moved one hand under her t-shirt and began tracing small circles on her skin. The warmth in those smooth fingertips and the gentle, loving, pressure, made the blood rush out of her head. Their mouths were so close now, so close. It would take the tiniest forward movement and that would be it.

Her head was empty of all thoughts except the desire to kiss him. He felt her exhale, and then relax against him. That brought her mouth that little bit further so that their lips were finally in contact, but both of them were too scared to take the next step.

'Kate, Kate'. The words were breathed, not said, into her mouth, and she could not bear it any longer. She lifted her free arm, put it around his neck and threaded her hand through his thick, soft hair, so that she could drag his head closer to her.

Finally, they kissed. This time there was no pretence that it was all some undercover ploy. Someone whimpered. Someone moaned. Lips, tongues, teeth were used to explore and plunder the other's mouth. To lick, to bite, to suck, to soothe, when the little nips were almost painful, when their feelings overwhelmed them and it was hard to maintain any control. It started out gently, but soon became a whirlwind of mouth on mouth, hands roaming everywhere, limbs tangling together, skin against skin, bone against bone.

* * *

><p>She knew that her body was protesting; that this was too much for her in her weakened state. But she could not have stopped. The pain was irrelevant, meaningless among the thousand other sensations he was creating in her body.<p>

Somehow, Kate lost her t-shirt. When she felt his hands and then his mouth on her breasts, she thought that she would pass out. Nothing had prepared her for what it was like to be caressed in such an intimate way by Richard Castle. She arched her back into his touch, but could not stop herself wincing when a sharp spasm of pain ran through her chest.

As aware of her as ever, he stopped. Panting, she opened her eyes to see him staring down at her, at where the still livid scar seemed to divide her torso into two halves. He used a finger to trace the slightly raised line with such tenderness that she could have wept.

He raised his head and she saw the tell-tale shininess of unshed tears in those beautiful eyes. "Kate, I must be hurting you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She knew the 'sorry' was for much more than what they had just been doing.

She lifted the hand from her chest and kissed his palm. 'No, no, it's fine. We just have to go a bit easier, that's all. I'm fine, really.' She smiled at him and pulled his head towards her again.

Just before their lips touched, he whispered against her mouth, "I love you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Thank you to those of you who have taken time to review. You are stars and make it all worthwhile! _

_About Kate - she is acting a little OOC, but that was really my point. She has always seemed to be such a strong person but, after what has happened to her, I think she would be fundamentally changed. She has nearly died, two father figures are dead, and both betrayed her in some way, Rick wasn't around for her recovery and her mother's case is solved. The case that has driven her all her adult life. So what is she left with? I am sure she would suffer from PTSD and would resist treatment for it for a while; let alone the physical trauma. She wants to be independent and strong again, but it won't be easy. So she would not be the indomitable KB we know and love. Well, that's my view from the Castleverse in my head! But I am very happy to hear other ideas! That's half the fun of being part of a fandom!_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. _

_Hmmm, not everyone is going to like this chapter. But things will get better in the end!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

And suddenly, when he said that, a tidal wave of emotions washed over her. Those three little words that, spoken by someone you care about, should make anyone ecstatically happy. But she wasn't ready to hear them again, because they brought back that terrible day. She had heard him say them just before she blacked out from the pain and the loss of blood, as it oozed out of the surprisingly small wound in her chest.

He thought she had not heard him, or had forgotten. At first, she thought she had dreamed them while she was unconscious. It had been hard to separate fantasy from reality in those vivid nightmares she started having almost at once. But, when she saw him, soon after she woke up, the look in his eyes told her that it had been real. He said nothing about it in the hospital, but the relief on his face when she was finally able to talk to him, underscored by the agony he had been feeling, spoke volumes. The scene where she was lying on the grass had played over and over in her mind throughout many a sleepless night in the hospital. She felt so many different emotions when she recalled him begging her to stay with him, a tear running down his anguished face, and then, finally, telling her how he felt. The memory caused her to feel shock, joy, fear, fury. All of those.

But anger had come to dominate, because that was an easy emotion for her and made her feel in control. How many times had she tried to push him into openly declaring how he felt about her? How many opportunities had he walked away from? But, to be fair, how many times had she herself run away whenever things had become too charged or emotional between them? So many people telling them they should be together; but they had danced around each other for so long that neither really knew how to stop.

And then Castle had found the courage to say what was in his heart. When he thought she was dying. How did she know if it had all been in the heat of the moment or if he had really meant it? He never alluded to it, even in the most cryptic way. So she never mentioned it to him and it was another topic in the 'We never talk about it' file.

Yet here he was again, saying them. Just as she had thought she wanted.

And it was all too much.

The sound of that phrase brought back the whirling series of images and sensations from that day. The pain, the noise, the terror. God, would she ever be able to hear or say those three words again, without the sickening jolt of memory they conjured up?

Everything was spiralling out of control. She had told Castle that she wanted someone to dive into it with her, but she knew that was a lie, for now. What she craved was to know that she was in charge of her own emotions. That she could be independent and free again. With Richard Castle, she was afraid she would lose herself in him, if they continued, and she had already lost more than she could bear.

Being in love with him would be a leap off a cliff into unknown deeps. She knew that he would not just be some casual relationship that would be fun for a while and which she could walk away from undamaged. 'He's the one.' A corny phrase that always had her rolling her eyes because she had never really got why anyone would throw everything into a relationship. Well, with the writer, she finally got it. It was easy to say you wanted a 'one and done' but the reality of that was terrifying. She never wanted her happiness to be so bound up in another person again. So it was better to avoid it all.

* * *

><p>Gasping out, "I'm sorry, I can't. I can't," she pushed him away, wriggled out from under him, and got out of bed. He looked completely dumbfounded, laying back, his shirt undone, his hair impossibly cute as it stuck up in all directions. He pushed himself off the bed and tried to take her hands, frowning as she backed away from him.<p>

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"No, no, it's not that. It's…." She put out a hand imploringly, as if begging him not to come any closer. "It's all too…. It's too soon. I can't…." She did not have the words, and the look of confusion on his dear face, and the tenderness in his eyes, were heartbreaking. Being Kate Beckett, she did not succumb to tears, but sought refuge in sarcasm and irritation instead. How else would she have the strength to send him away? How else could she get back to being herself?

"I just can't, Castle," she spat out. "Thanks for the ride home, but I can manage now. And my boyfriend will be here soon, so you'd better go."

The harsh tone, her use of the phrase 'my boyfriend' and the bitter expression on her face made Castle feel like he had just been slapped.

"I don't understand. I thought.."

"What? That we'd ride off into the sunset together? That the price of a ride in your fancy car was a quick roll in the hay?" She was being vicious and she knew it. She just needed to get him out of there, to stop the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her. She needed to be alone. To try to make sense of everything. His presence filled her head to the point where she couldn't think straight. She wanted to have a clear mind, to be Kate Beckett again. She had no idea how to do that, but she knew that the writer would only complicate things. She'd had enough of complicated.

Without another word, Castle had gone. And, ironically, part of her had longed for him to refuse to listen but to stay and fight for her. But he had walked away at the hospital and he was walking away again. Was this what he had meant by 'always'?

Castle had tried to call her a couple of times after that, but she refused to talk to him. He showed up at the apartment one more time, only to find Josh there, moving in. The writer took in in the cosy domestic picture of the doctor kneeling on the floor with Kate, unpacking books from a cardboard box and knew that he had lost. Kate saw the stricken look on Castle's face when he realised what was going on, but she turned away and continued stacking the books on a shelf. She could not handle complicated, not right now. Castle schooled his face into a more neutral expression and congratulated them. All very civil.

From that day until now, they had had very little contact with each other. On the day he found out about her engagement, he sent her a sweet note and a magnificent bouquet of irises and sunflowers, her favourites. They exchanged the occasional text message or email, the odd phone call, which were polite, hollow, cold. But, essentially, they were over.

* * *

><p>She put all her efforts into the relationship with Josh. He was someone who was easy to be with, easy to love. A love that had limits, that was not all or nothing. A love that she could live without if she lost it. The relief of just being in it with him, without it being all-consuming. She allowed others to make most of the decisions because she did not really mind one way or the other. She knew that she was making little sense. She wanted to be in control of her life and yet she was being so passive. But she let others decide about matters that were unimportant to her. Who cared what her wedding dress looked like? With Josh, she could rest, heal, get back to normal, and her head and heart would belong to her, and her alone, again. It was easy, it was simple, it was safe. That's what she told herself.<p>

The wedding planning helped her put Castle out of her mind, most of the time. She told herself that what she had with Josh was real and manageable, a slow, steady flame of affection and companionship. With Castle, it was a wildfire. Exciting, destructive, impossible to control, but quickly burnt out. She didn't need that in her life.

Well, she'd got what she wanted, hadn't she? A bitter victory.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Silly, silly girl. But as she is someone who has refused to see that amazing man for what he is for 3 years, and who keeps running away from what could be the greatest relationship of her life, she clearly has a track record of messing things up with regard to the men in her life! 'Hiding in relationships with men you don't love.' Rick Castle is always right! Add PTSD to that and I think she would be a bit of a basket case. And I think, hope, Castle would keep away and not continue to allow her to stomp all over his heart. So I don't think this scenario is unrealistic. Or, at least, I hope not! Feel free to disagree by clicking on that little blue link below! Or click on it if you agree, or if you want to see what happens next! _


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. _

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

"Katie. Kate, honey. I know you've got a lot on your mind, but I need to talk to you."

She broke out of her reverie and looked at her father. She knew she had to focus on the matter in hand. Trying to forget about blue-eyed writers, she said, "So what's the plan, Dad? Josh must be going out of his mind, not to mention the rest of them!"

"You, know, Katie. The fact that you're willing to sit there passively and let me decide what to do, shows me, more than anything, that things are not right with you. When did you ever not take control?" He said it with a smile, trying to show that he did not want to hurt her. But the words stung, nevertheless.

"I'm tired, Dad. These last few months, since…., you know. They've been exhausting. It's been almost like a rerun of when Mom was killed, with the added bonus of a near-death experience and a debilitating injury. I've had enough. I have weeks of therapy ahead of me before I can even think of getting my job back, I've lost Roy and…."

"And…..?" He looked at her with sympathy and squeezed her hand. "You've been engaged for the last few weeks; isn't that supposed to be a happy time in a person's life?"

She let out a sigh. "Yes, I know. And it has been, in some ways. But it just feels like I will never get back to having some kind of regular life. That's all I want. Everything back to normal." She was looking down at her dress, fiddling with a piece of over-fussy lace. The deflated look on her face made her father's heart contract with pity and love.

'Katie, I don't think we've had normal since the day your mother died. But now it's over. He's behind bars and we can start living again, just like she would have wanted." He could not bring himself to mention the name of the man who had destroyed their lives.

"Well, isn't that what I'm trying to do here? What's more normal than getting married?"

"If it's to the right person. What you're doing here is hiding from real life."

Jim saw a look of agony pass over his daughter's face. He was surprised at the strength of her reaction to his words, but he did not know that they were a painful echo for Kate of the fight she and Castle had had all those weeks ago. _Hiding in relationships with men you don't love_. That was what he had said to her, and she had kicked him out. A horrible coincidence; to have her father saying much the same thing to her, on her wedding day.

'Real life hasn't been that great for me, has it? Who wouldn't want to escape from what I've been through?" She was self-aware enough to know that her arguments were weak, and that made her speak more harshly than she had meant to. Her father's brows drew together in a frown of what looked almost like disappointment.

"Katherine Beckett. You never ran away from anything in your life, so why are you so determined to get as far away from Richard Castle as you can? Why have you pushed him out of your life? Why does it need to be so complicated? He loves you, you love him. What's difficult about that?"

"He's a fickle guy, Dad. He's been in love a lot and it's rarely real. If I give him my heart, that will be it for me. He's not someone I could get over. I am not sure that's true for him."

"Katie, that's the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say in your life, and I know you don't really believe it. Whatever he may have done in the past, that man worships the ground you walk on, and I would bet my last dollar that you are the love of his life. He would never get over losing you. You didn't see him in that hospital room, sitting there waiting to hear if you were going to live or die. The look on his face when the doctor said you might not make it! I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy!"

He spoke quite fiercely for him, but he was frustrated that he did not have the eloquence to convey to his daughter the depth of the writer's feelings for her. Though a part of him was sure that she knew. Somewhere, underneath all the insecurity and unhappiness, she knew that she was loved by Richard Castle.

* * *

><p>He turned in his seat so that he could look her directly in the eyes. She tried to look down at where her restless hand continued to play with her engagement ring. He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. He had had enough of his fearless girl being so afraid of life.<p>

"Katie, you're the most amazing person I know. You are all your mother's child, and you have never settled for second best in anything, just like her. Don't do it now. You need to grasp life with both hands and say damn the consequences. Nothing really worth having ever came easy. True love is rarer than people think. Don't throw it all away. Don't…"

His voice cracked and she was shocked to see a tear running down his cheek. "Dad, please, I…."

She was interrupted by the ring tone of Jim's cell phone. He quickly answered it, turning a little away from her. "Hello….. You are?... Ok, just wait outside for me."

"Honey, I have to go outside for a second. Just stay here."

Seeing the look of confusion on her face, he patted her hand, saying, "I promise you, everything's going to be okay. What did your mom use to say? Pinky promise." With that, he linked his little finger with hers and kissed the top of her head gently. She shrugged and, exhausted, she closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat once more.

* * *

><p>As Jim Beckett stepped out of the limousine, he saw a red Ferrari parked a little way behind it. The rain had stopped, for now. Standing next to the car was a tall, dark-haired man who was looking a little unsure, a frown on his face. Jim walked towards the man, and shook his hand warmly, saying, "Thank you so much, Rick. I knew I could rely on you."<p>

"Of course, Jim, I'll do anything. But what's the problem? Has your car broken down? Is Kate okay?" Richard Castle was proud of himself that he was able to say her name without the slightest tremor in his voice. But, while he was straining every fibre of his body to appear unfazed by this unexpected situation, his curiosity was becoming intolerable.

Not to mention the tension of being so close to Kate after all this time, assuming she was actually inside the limo with the blacked out windows. He tried to keep a politely neutral expression on his face, but Jim could see the strain in his face, the circles under the man's eyes, the hands clenched so tightly that the knuckles were white.

"Katie's inside the car. She's not going through with the wedding. At least, I hope not. So I need your help."

At the second sentence a flash of hope had flared in the writer's eyes, to be quickly snuffed out when Jim said, 'I hope not.'

In a voice carefully devoid of any emotion, Castle said, "I'm happy to help you and Kate in any way I can, you know that. But you need to explain what's going on. You're not making a lot of sense, to be honest."

Jim Beckett knew that he could talk for hours about the whole situation, but there was no time for that. And these two had wasted far too many precious hours already, with this ridiculous dance they had been doing. Time to cut to the chase.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. _

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

"Well, the short version is this. You love Katie, isn't that right?"

Castle's eyes widened a little in shock at the man's bluntness. He opened his mouth to deny it, but then he nodded, almost imperceptibly. He was so tired of trying to pretend that it was not true.

Jim smiled at the writer's response. "Well, then. Katie's had a terrible year and she's not thinking straight. Josh was the safe option and she went for that. She's sitting in that car as miserable as hell about the step she's about to take. I'm not going to let her make that mistake."

Castle ran through a gamut of emotions in the short time Jim's words took to say. Regret, sadness, jealousy, hope. He ran his hands through his hair, swallowed and managed to say, "Ok. But I am not sure where I fit into all this."

"Now that's easy. Katie loves you and I want you to take her home, while I go to the church and call off the wedding." He spoke as matter-of-factly as if he were rearranging a golf game. He could not help laughing at the expression on Castle's face. The writer looked as if he had been hit with a shovel in the face, like an old Tom and Jerry cartoon.

"Er, ah….." Castle had no idea what to say and he was not sure if his vocal chords would even work.

Jim clasped Castle briefly on the shoulder. "I wouldn't hand over my girl to many people, but I trust you to take care of her. That's all I ask."

His voice sounded a little hoarse but Richard Castle managed to croak out. "Always." He could not formulate a complete sentence in his head at that point. A million thoughts were rampaging around his head like a hive of mad bees. But in the middle of the storm, he could hear Jim saying, over and over again, 'Kate loves you'. What could he say to that? Three words that promised everything he had ever wanted.

"That's what I thought. Just wait here a moment."

* * *

><p>With that, Jim turned and walked back towards the limousine, leaving a stunned looking Castle standing by the Ferrari. He opened the door and put his head inside. His daughter was still slumped against the seat, her eyes shut tightly. If you couldn't see it, it wasn't there.<p>

"Katie, can you get out of the car? Someone's here to see you."

_Oh God, he called Josh. _

Part of her was tempted to turn around and look out of the window. But she kept her eyes forward, not ready to deal with everything just yet.

Jim could see the look of fear on her face. "Katie, it's not what you think. It's someone who's here to help. Now, it's not raining, so please just get out of the car and it'll all be fine"

"What are you up to, Dad? Why can't whoever it is get into this car? It's big enough and, to be honest, this dress is not exactly easy to move around in." She sounded exasperated, which made Jim happy. It was a distinct improvement on despairing.

"Please, just do it for me. Please, sweetheart."

"It will be all wet out there. This dress was not designed to be dragged through puddles; it'll be ruined!"

"Hand on heart, do you really give a damn about that dress? Do you really think you're going to be walking down the aisle in it today?"

* * *

><p>And she suddenly realised that the answer to that question was so easy. She was not sure when she had come to a decision, but she knew, in her bones, that, whatever happened, or whoever was out there, here to give her a little pep talk, she was not getting married today. That thought filled her with a mixture of terror and relief. Relief won.<p>

Ignoring her father's questions, she said, "I am pretty sure it's Lanie, so why can't she just get her butt in here?"

"It's not Lanie."

Something in his tone made her look sharply at him. He had a slightly strange smile on his face; happiness and nervousness flitted over his features.

Without another word, her heart beating faster than normal, Kate gathered up her dress, slid over to his side of the car, and gave him her hand to help her out.

Once she was standing on the pavement, she looked around. A sudden shaft of sunlight dazzled her as she noticed the red car and the tall figure standing beside it. She lifted her hand to shade her eyes, but she did not need to see to know who was waiting for her.

* * *

><p>Richard Castle literally felt himself go weak at the knees when he saw that tall, impossibly slender column of pure white standing by the car, the sun shining on her chestnut hair. Kate Beckett, a fairy tale bride; but not his bride. Why had he agreed to come? How could anyone stand it; to see the love of his life dressed like that for another man?<p>

She lifted a hand to shield her eyes and the sunlight glinted off a huge diamond on her finger. Castle put a hand out, to steady himself against the roof of the Ferrari. But then he remembered Jim's words. "Katie loves you." If that were true, then he would spend the rest of his life thanking the universe and he would make sure that he lived every moment to the full. If Kate loved him, then everything would have been worth it.

Kate stood uncertainly on the pavement, oblivious to the fact that the hem of her dress was half an inch deep in a puddle of rainwater, and her shoes were getting soaked. All she could think was _It's him. _

She took a hesitant step towards him, standing only a few feet away. _Why is he just standing there? _

Castle saw that tentative movement and that galvanised him into life. In a couple of strides he was in front of her.

He had no clue what to say. She had no clue what to say. They stared at each other for a lifetime.

_He's lost weight. He looks tired. His hair's got longer. He still has the bluest eyes in the world… He's here._

She folded her arms to stop herself from brushing that unruly lock of hair off his forehead.

_She's so thin. She looks gorgeous, but it's not her, somehow, not in that dress. Too much make-up. Her hair's messy. She's so damn beautiful….. She's here._

He put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from tucking those unruly strands of glossy hair behind her ear.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kate." "Hey, Rick." They both smiled at the inadequacy of their words.<p>

"How's it going?"

"Same old, same old. You?"

"Pretty good. Just finished a new book."

"That's great."

"You look amazing. A little over-dressed for a sidewalk."

"This old rag? Just threw on the first thing in my wardrobe."

They grinned at each other. In the midst of all the drama, they could not help grinning. Beckett and Castle were never going to be that couple. The ones running in slow-motion and then coming together for an epic kiss. But underneath the banter, they ached for each other.

Jim Beckett watched them in bemusement. He had rather been hoping for the epic kiss. But he saw that his daughter was standing up straight and the light was back in her eyes. It would all be ok.

"Katie, I have to go. I'll call you later."

* * *

><p>Kate turned back to him. It was as if she had woken up from a dream. She had more animation in her face than he had seen in a long while. <em>Heck, she even looks taller<em>.

"Dad! What are you talking about? Where are you going?"

"To the church, to send everyone home."

She looked taken aback, as if she had forgotten that there were so many people waiting for her, expecting a wedding.

"Oh my God! The wedding! I can't let you to do that. This is my mess. And what about Josh? I can't just leave without a word to him!"

"You can talk to him later. Now I just need to get everyone out of the church. Then I have to call the wedding planner about the reception."

The enormity of what she was about to do hit Kate. The caterers, the band, the honeymoon, the gifts; so much planning, so much money spent.

"I can't just run away from all of it, like that cheesy movie with Julia Roberts!"

"Does that make me Richard Gere? Cool."

She had almost forgotten that Castle was there. Almost.

"Rick, this is so not the time for jokes! What am I going to do?"

It had not gone unnoticed by all those present that she was calling him 'Rick'. She loved the feel of his name in her mouth, after so long.

The writer took her hand and held it lightly. She felt herself relax a little. He spoke quietly but firmly.

"I'm going to take you home to have a shower and change. Then you need some food, because I'll bet you haven't eaten all day. After that, you can call whomever you want. We'll sort this out, one step at a time. Your father will deal with the immediate wedding stuff."

"That's right, Katie. I'll go now and I'll call you when it's all done."

She pulled her hand out of Rick's grasp, but smiled to show that there was no anger behind the gesture. She turned to face her father, a trace of the old stubborn Beckett in the set of her jaw and the determined look on her face.

"Dad, do you think I'm that much of a coward? What would everyone think of me? I have to do it. I have to go with you!"

Jim was pleased to see Kate standing up to him, but he needed to win this one.

"No, you don't. Not this time. Just for once, let someone else handle things. Please. I have spent so long depending on you and now I want, I need you to let me do this for you. I have to be the one to do it and I know your mother would agree with me. I should have done it weeks ago. Let me do this, for my sake and for your mother's."

He rarely played the dead mother card and Kate knew what it meant when he did. She had to give in. But then she was done sitting back and letting others decide what was best. How had she ever thought that would give her the control she craved?

"Ok, Dad, we'll do it your way. You go and break the news to the assembled masses. But tell Josh I'll call him later today. And apologise to everyone. No, forget that. Tell them I'll be calling them soon. And, Dad..." She hesitated and then went up to him to hug him as closely to her as the dress would allow. "Thank you, for everything. For being my dad. For understanding, even before I did."

His face lit up and then he kissed her on the forehead, nodded at Castle, and got back into the limousine. He shut the door, wound down the window and said, " Go with Rick. For me, Katie, do that for me." Then he told the driver to start the car and lifted his hand in a gesture of farewell, before the window shut silently and the car's engine purred into life.

* * *

><p><em>Is Kate being too passive? Maybe, but I think she might have had enough of being the grown-up, the boss, the strong one, all the time. If she could ask for help or let others in, she would be a happier person. And maybe the traumatic events of S3 will make her see that. Well, in my version, that's the case! But I am enjoying the feedback, whether reviews or PMs. So thank you! :)<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer**__: The characters are all AM's, not mine. _

_Sorry this took a while, but it has been a hectic week! I finally finished fiddling around with this chapter, and here it is, for all of you, especially my faithful reviewers!_

_Less than two weeks to go to S4 - though time has slowed to a snail-like pace, don't you think? Thank goodness for fanfic! _

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

She stood looking at the sleek, black car as it drove off. She could not believe that she had just let him go like that. She, Detective Katherine Beckett, who had always been on top of things, always so in charge, was standing on a wet, dirty sidewalk in a huge white dress that had cost more than some people made in a year, holding hands with Richard Castle, while her father went off to face the music. What had she been thinking? She spun round to face Castle again, as fast as the heavy dress would allow.

"Rick, please, you have to take me to the church! I can't let him do this alone!"

"Can we just get one thing clear?"

When she looked at his face, tension had created a deep line between his brows that she wanted to smooth away with her finger. "What's that?"

He hesitated, as if afraid to voice what was on his mind. Still their hands were linked together.

"Rick?"

"Do you want to marry Josh or not? It's not too late. I can call your dad and get you there, fast."

She stared at him, her mouth open in shock. Was he serious? She took his other hand and took one step towards him, so that they were nearly touching. She studied his face, trying to read his expression. He looked terrified, dreading what she might say. Then she laughed, a peal of pure joy, something no one had heard from Kate Beckett in a long time.

"Well, Writer Boy, you've said a lot of stupid things to me in your time, but that really takes the cake!"

Now the look of adorable confusion that she had always loved appeared on his face. She lifted her hand and finally allowed herself to brush that errant lock of hair back into place.

Looking directly into his eyes, she said, with perfect clarity, and no hesitation whatsoever, "I'm standing here, in my ruined wedding dress and shoes, with my ruined hairdo, holding hands with you in the street, while the bridal car speeds off to my wedding! Can you really have any doubt about my intentions?" She brushed her lips against his very lightly; an echo of kisses past, or the promise of kisses to come. She felt him shiver the tiniest bit at the contact.

She wanted to laugh and cry, all at the same time. And that was progress, because it meant that the numbness she had felt for so long was wearing off. It would hurt, like a limb that has gone to sleep and which is all pins and needles once it comes back to life. But at least it would mean that she was living again, not just existing.

* * *

><p>She couldn't help smiling, because his insecurity and uncertainty had made things clear for her, and she was absolutely sure; about what she did not want, at least. How could she ever have thought that she could marry Josh, as perfect as he was on paper?<p>

"Are you coming home with me?" He sounded hopeful and anxious, all at once. So she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled his head down and rested her forehead on his.

In her sultriest voice, she whispered, "Ok, Rick, but only if I get to drive."

He lifted his head up in surprise. That was not what he had been expecting to hear. He saw that she was smiling and her eyes had a mischievous expression in them that made her look more like herself than anyone had seen in a long while.

"Katherine Beckett, you're a tease."

"Well, you love that about me, don't you?"

He cupped her face in his hands and said, all traces of levity gone, "I love everything about you. But you already knew that."

* * *

><p>The seriousness and sweetness of his tone, as much as the words, drove away the bravado that had her making light of this awful situation. The last time he had tried to tell her what was in his heart she had thrown him out of her apartment, in fear. Not now. She threw her arms around him and, feeling him pull her into the tightest hug the big skirt of her dress would allow, she allowed herself the luxury of crying. She wept into his shirt, as he made soothing noises and rubbed her back tenderly.<p>

After a few minutes, she was able to say, still with her face buried in his chest, "I've made such a disaster of everything. Poor Josh, what must he be thinking right now? My dad shouldn't have to deal with it all. I should go there right now and face everyone. Josh's parents will be so mad. Oh, poor Josh."

Castle hugged her more tightly and said, "Better a mess now than being married to the wrong person. Take it from me, divorce is not pretty."

"But I'm being such a chicken. I can't just run off with you!"

"Well, I don't think you can go looking like that. You'll scare the guests." His matter of fact comment and slightly teasing tone helped calm her and bring her back to the moment. She looked down at herself, at the dress with the muddy hem, and the white satin shoes, which now had water stains on them. She could feel the tendrils of hair that had escaped from the elaborate coils wrapped around her head. She could not see her face, but she could imagine what the crying had done to the paint that covered it.

Her mouth twisted in a wry grimace. "More like Frankenstein's Bride, than a society bride."

"Kate, let your father do this for you. There'll be plenty for you to deal with later. Just let him do this first part."

She sighed in defeat, then squared her shoulders and walked to the Ferrari, on the passenger door side. She had always been a practical, pragmatic person. Time to start getting back to who she really was.

"I wish you'd brought something bigger. We're going to have fun fitting this dress into a two-seater sports car."

"How was I to know I'd be expected to transport the world's largest meringue?"

"Hey! This dress was designed by April Chan! It's not a meringue!"

"And it's not a Katherine Beckett, either. It's not your style. We need to get you out of it as soon as possible."

She gasped and turned to glare at the writer who was now standing next to her, opening the door.

"No, no! That sounded way dirtier than I meant it to! I just meant..., you know. Boy, I hope you're not carrying a gun under all that."

* * *

><p>Her heart lifted a little at the familiarity of all this. She and Richard Castle hitting it back and forth between them. It was not the time for jokes or repartee. She knew that he was talking like this as a distraction, to help her not fall apart. She was doing a terrible thing and people were going to be hurt. But, underneath that knowledge, and the dread of what the next few days would be like, trying to sort out the chaos she had created, a tiny flame of exquisite happiness was burning, almost invisible, but there, nevertheless.<p>

He had come for her, despite everything.

She had no idea what the future would bring, or if she and the writer would somehow find their way so that they could be a real couple. She knew she was still screwed up and needed a lot more time and therapy, if she ever hoped to be able to have a functional relationship with anyone. She knew that her physical problems were not going to disappear overnight.

But, for now, they were in it together and he was all she needed, all she wanted. She thought that maybe her father was right and it would all be ok.

She held out her hands and Castle walked forward to take them, so that they were again facing each other, standing very close.

She smiled at him, because just the sight of him made her heart sing. "Can you take me to your place and can I borrow some clothes? I don't want to go to my apartment just yet."

"Of course. Do you need me to pick up anything on the way?"

She shook her head, and then looked pensively at him for a few seconds. He was gazing at her with affection, and a certain amount of reserve, because he was still unsure about what was going on in her mind. She knew that he would be there for her, and would act as her friend, no matter what. He, that generous, unselfish and big-hearted man, would let her decide how things were going to be between them. That was just Richard Castle's way, and she loved him for it.

But she needed him to know that, whatever happened next, they were not going back to that pretend platonic relationship that had been killing them both. Today was not the day for romance and moonbeams. But she needed him to know how she felt, even if she were not ready to talk about it, not yet.

* * *

><p>She linked her hands behind his head and pulled his head down. She laid a gentle kiss on each eye, each cheek and then on his mouth. When she lifted her head, his eyes flew open. She waited for a heartbeat, enjoying the stunned look on his face, and then dragged his head towards her for a searing, passionate, opened-mouthed kiss that left them both panting and wanting more. She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him away. He was looking at her with glazed eyes, his face flushed and his mouth open.<p>

"That's just a sample of what's to come. Maybe not today, or even this week, but soon. Just so you are in no doubt about how I feel and why I called off my wedding. Josh is great, but he's not you, Richard Castle, and that's all the reason I need to end it with him. Now take me home."

Castle's face was split by a grin from ear to ear. He tried to whirl her round in his arms, but the dress rather ruined that romantic impulse, though it left them both laughing. "Your wish is my command, my dear Detective."

After a few minutes of struggling with the endless folds of the dress, she was in the car. Castle sat down in the driver's seat and went to start the engine. Kate put a hand out to stop him and turned round slightly in her seat so that she was facing him.

"Thank you for coming, Rick. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Anytime, anything, you know that."

"I do. And it means more than I can say."

She settled back in her seat and placed her hands in her lap, after taking off the engagement ring. Time to start dealing with everything.

"Home, please."

"Home it is."

With that, he turned on the engine, and, with a growl, the Ferrari took off. The traffic was terrible and the supercar had to dawdle through the Manhattan streets. For the two inside, cocooned in luxurious leather, overwhelmed with the knowledge that they were once more with each other, the time flew by. There was so much to say.

Yet they drove in silence, occasionally holding hands or touching each other's arm or leg. They were together again. No words could convey how that felt. So all was quiet, but it was a deep, dear silence that spoke volumes. There would be time for all the conversations. Right now, just to hear the other person breathing was enough. _He's here. She's here._ Nothing else mattered.

* * *

><p>"<em>How long do you want to be loved?<em>

_Is forever enough? Is forever enough?_

_How long do you want to be loved?_

'_Cause I'm never, never giving you up."_

(From 'Lullaby' by The Dixie Chicks)

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><p><strong>AN**_ - Well, that's it! I hope you enjoyed reading it. I think I should end it here, but I have a couple of plot hamsters (they are too small to be called plot bunnies!) for more scenes spinning round in my mind, so we'll see. And thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! I have never had so many! I know, 50 is not a lot compared to some, but, for me, each one made my day. You are all very SHINY! :-)_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N**__: I really had no intention of adding to this story. But it just came to me, as if some writing elves were beavering away in my brain, and all I had to do was type it out! There is not much plot, it is very simple and it is no great shakes in terms of the writing style. Yet it was there and I had to scratch that itch! Think of it as closure!_

_I think it must be my over-anxiety about what AM is going to do to us regarding Caskett in S4, fuelled by the spoilers I should not have seen/read! So consider this as a self-indulgent piece of fluffy wish-fulfilment, to be read whenever AM has thrown too many obstacles in the way of our favourite couple!_

_This is for my faithful reviewers and the lovely people on the ABC boards. I particularly want to dedicate it to Ms J, my fellow Elvis fan, who never fails to cheer me up and who makes me think I am a much better writer than I really am!_

_**Disclaimer**__: My lawsuit where I claimed that the characters are mine and AM took them from me psychically by reading my mind, has somehow not succeeded, so he still owns them!_

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><p><em><strong>Epilogue<strong>_

It was a perfect New York October morning. The sky was that dazzling blue that almost hurts the eyes to look at, but makes your heart lift at the simple beauty of a cloudless day. There was a slight breeze, but the weather was mild and sunny, the last little breath of summer. A pale blue, classic Jaguar Mark II was being driven along the crowded streets with quiet competence by a man dressed in a smart black uniform.

There were two people in the back of the car. The man smiled fondly at the woman. She, however, was not looking at him, but was twisting the antique ring on her right hand round and round her slender finger. He leaned over and put his hand on hers to quiet her.

'Sweetheart, it's fine. We're nearly there. Not far to go now.'

At this, the tall, graceful woman raised her head and looked directly at him. She had a faint smile on her flawless face, but a small crease of anxiety marred her smooth forehead.

'I really don't want to be late.'

'Isn't that traditional?' He spoke with a gently teasing tone, but squeezed her hand with affection.

She continued to look at him with her steady green gaze. Her mouth twisted in a wry smile.

'Well, maybe under normal circumstances, but our journey to get to this point has hardly been traditional, has it? And, after last time, he may be a little nervous that I'm going to do the same thing again. I don't want him to be standing there thinking 'Is she going to chicken out again?' Imagining some story on page six about 'The Runway Detective'! I don't want him to have one minute of doubt that I'm going to show up. He doesn't deserve that, not after everything he's been through with me.'

The older man frowned at her in mild exasperation.

'You're talking as if you did something wrong.'

'Well, what happened last time wasn't my finest moment!'

'Actually, I don't agree. I was very proud of you that day.'

'Proud! After all the hassle and embarrassment, not to mention the hurt I caused people. And the money! It was such a waste of money!'

'It was worth every penny not to see you throw your life away.'

She put her other hand on top of his where he was still holding onto her. 'Oh, Dad. I….'

'Katie, we talked all this out months ago. I have absolutely no regrets about what happened that day. Maybe about what went on before and about not trying to stop it, but not about that day. How could I when I see how happy you are now? You are happy now, aren't you? No more doubts?'

* * *

><p>She sat up a little straighter at that and spoke, thrusting out her chin with the determination so typical of Kate Beckett, in a voice that rang out with the clarity of absolute certainty. 'I've never been so sure of anything. I wish I had Rick's facility with words, but all I can say is that he makes me feel happier than I ever have in my life. I can't believe it took me all this time to realise he was the one. But he is.'<p>

'So why are you dwelling on the past? You should be focusing on today.'

'I am! I…. I just can't wait to get there, to get the ceremony over, to be married to him, at last.'

These last few words came out in a rush, because she was embarrassed at being so sentimental in front of her father. That was not how they were with each other.

Jim laughed, and she, somewhat reluctantly, laughed with him. 'I know. He's turned me into such a sap!'

'No, he's helped me get my Katie back.'

She inhaled a little sharply at that, and her eyes shone a little brighter as she fought her emotions.

'Dad, she was always there, somewhere. But you're right. He did bring her back. He saved her.'

'Well, I would imagine he feels that you saved him right back, so you're even.'

He leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek that was now a delicate shade of pink, as she blushed at having this conversation with her dad.

'I wish Mom were here. She would love him.'

Her father's smile grew wider, though his eyes were a little sad. 'That she would! She'd adore him, and as for Alexis…'

'I know! And can you imagine Mom and Martha together?'

Father and daughter smiled at each other at the thought of Johanna Beckett and Martha Rodgers in the same room. That would have been worth seeing.

* * *

><p>Jim Beckett caught his breath at the sight of Kate, eyes gleaming, her gorgeous smile lighting up the space. He knew he was biased and that every father thought his daughter was the most beautiful bride in the world. But, really, wasn't she something special, something beyond the norm? How could his genes have contributed towards making this ethereally lovely girl? She was Johanna Beckett's daughter to the core.<p>

This time she was wearing a simple, elegant sheath of ivory silk, its plain lines hugging her willowy frame, its only decoration tiny flowers scattered over the delicate fabric, embroidered in the same colour as the material, with a few minute glass beads here and there. Her hair was softly curled and pinned back so that glossy chestnut tendrils framed her face. She had very subtle make up on, and her jewellery was a pair of small stunning diamond earrings in the shape of simple daisies, that Rick had given her as an engagement present. She wore her mother's ring on her right hand, and that was it. Simple, classy, heartbreakingly beautiful. But still her. Kate Beckett on the best day of her life. He was so proud of her that he felt his heart might burst out of his chest.

The car drew smoothly to a halt. They had been so engrossed in talking to each other that they had not realised that they were there. Outside was a small but exquisite church that Rick had found. Nothing flashy or over the top. Just a lovely place, with magnificent stained glass windows, and room for their friends and family. Inside was a small but select group of the people they loved best in the world. Their 'families' who would now be one. They had not wanted to invite anyone else.

Jim helped Kate out of the car onto the sidewalk, where Lanie, Jenny, Madison and Alexis were waiting, all dressed in different shades of purple. The five of them hugged carefully, concerned about their dresses.

'Oh, Kate, you look so gorgeous. Dad may just pass out when he sees you!'

'Becks, you're perfect! I knew that dress was right for you.'

'Girl, Alexis is right; Writer-boy'll need CPR when you walk up that aisle!'

'Kate, you look so lovely.'

All talking together, they made their way up the few steps to the entrance of the church. Then they were silent. The four women went ahead of Kate and Jim. As soon as they entered, the soaring notes of an organ signalled their arrival. At the last minute, Lanie turned and put the small, sweetly scented bouquet of white, purple and cream flowers in Kate's hand.

'See you later, Katherine Beckett. You've got a hot date with a writer.'

Kate smiled at her in affection and nodded. She could not utter a sound, because all her thoughts were with the man who was waiting inside for her.

* * *

><p>Then she tucked her hand in the crook of her father's arm and they entered the church. The people inside had stood up at the first few notes of the music and now they turned round to watch her progress up the aisle. There was a murmur of admiration as they took her in. Everyone smiled at her, but Kate saw none of them. Later she would give them the attention she deserved.<p>

Right now, she felt like she was in a tunnel and, at the end of it, all she could see was a tall man with brown hair. She could not have told you what he was wearing, or what the flowers in the church looked like, or the names of the people she was walking past. Every atom in her body was fixed on that one point, on that one person.

As she got closer she could see his face. He wasn't smiling and his blue eyes were gazing at her with fierce intensity. As she reached the end, she turned to give her flowers to Lanie, and then her father lifted her hand and put it into Rick's so that they were now facing each other. Kate was almost afraid to look at him. But she did.

And there he was, his eyes rivalling the sky outside as they looked into hers with such love blazing out of them that she forgot to breathe. His face was rigid with emotion at the sight of her, but then his mouth split into the widest grin, and he whispered, 'Best. Bride. Ever!'

She could not help grinning back. Every doubt, every fear, every feeling of guilt, had, for now, disappeared. She knew it would not always be hearts and flowers, unicorns and rainbows. There would be difficult days ahead, fights and hurt feelings and misunderstandings. There was too much baggage for things between them to be easy.

* * *

><p>But, standing there, with the bluest eyes in the world gazing into hers, with her hand enveloped in his strong, warm grasp, she knew that this was the best decision she had ever made. He was her hope of happiness and she was so grateful that she had found a way to let herself take that chance.<p>

She had finally accepted that she could make him happy. That she wanted to make him happy. No one had ever or would ever love her like he did. She had understood that a long while ago. But it had taken much longer for her to admit to herself that a life without him would always be incomplete, empty, dull.

They were so different that sometimes she wondered why they worked. Yet they did. Much better than when she was with other men who had seemed, on paper, to be far more suitable for her. He had said it once before. Yin needs Yang, not another Yin. With it, there was harmony; without it, you just had a name for a panda.

She could survive a life without him in it, but she was unutterably glad that she didn't need to try.

At the same time, they both mouthed 'I love you' and their smiles grew wider, if that were possible. Then they turned towards the pastor, hands still entwined.

'We are gathered here today, in the presence of God, to witness the marriage of….'

The lovely, time-honoured words of the ceremony began. The congregation settled down to enjoy the moment that many of them had feared would never come. 'What a gorgeous couple' was the thought on more than one mind as they gazed at the tall, elegantly dressed pair standing in front of the altar.

The bride and groom only had eyes for each other.

'Do you, Richard Edgar Castle, take Katherine Elaine Beckett to be your lawfully wedded wife…..'

Outside, the world went about its business on that sapphire blue day, unaware that, for that moment at least, things were right with the universe. Yin and Yang had each other. At last.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN**__: Yep, pure sugar, I know. But it's my fantasy, so forgive me! And if I have to see DMB for more than one episode this season, I may need to reread this a few times! _


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N:** I added this to the Shotgun story a while ago, but, having written the Epilogue for this story, it seemed to make sense to add this here. So, if you have read it in the Shotgun story, there's nothing new here. I just wanted a sense of completion. _

_**Disclaimer**: I own nothing of the Castleverse. Sad but true._

* * *

><p>Rick was a sickly green colour and there were beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead.<p>

'C'mon, Kate, we've got to go!'

'Ok, ok, I'll be right there. Chill out, Writer Boy.'

'Chill out! I hardly think this is the time for relaxing! We should have been there ages ago! Why didn't you tell me earlier…..'

'We've been over all this. I wanted to stay here for as long as possible. Why wait in some anonymous room when you can stay in the comfort of your own home?'

'But what happens if something goes wrong? Or the traffic's bad? Or the car breaks down? Or…'

'Jeez, do you have to be Worst Cast Scenario Guy? Where's Mr Optimistic? Mr 'It's Always Sunny in Rickedelphia'? It will be fine, the traffic will be fine, the car will be fine, I'm fine.'

And, despite the occasional wince of pain and being unable to walk at her normal brisk pace, she did look fine. In fact, she looked glowing and happy, something Rick had not ceased to wonder at over the last few months. Was there nothing that could make Kate look anything less than gorgeous?

Pulling out his cell phone for what seemed to be the hundredth time, he grimaced at the lack of new messages. 'Where the hell is that car? I called them hours ago! I said you should have let me drive you.'

'You called them exactly 10 minutes ago. It'll be here. And the last thing I need is a hyper, overanxious Richard Castle trying to drive through New York at rush hour. The town car is more comfortable anyway. '

She was calm, serene, peaceful, the eye of the storm that was Rick Castle, who could not stop pacing around the apartment, returning to where she was sitting every minute to check on her. Kate could not help smiling at her man, annoying as he was being. He usually seemed to take everything in his stride, with confidence, insouciance and that famous Castle twinkle. Not this time. He was a nervous wreck.

He leaped like a startled deer when his phone dinged. 'It's nearly here. Let's get you downstairs.'

With that he went to help her to her feet, something that she accepted with good grace, as her current size made manoeuvrability hard. They made their way down to the lobby, with Rick hovering over Kate's every step, until she felt compelled to whack him lightly round the head. 'What have I told you about treating me like I'm made of glass? I'm not dying or even ill. I'm pregnant.'

He looked guilty but also unrepentant. 'I can't help it. I just love you so…'

'No mushy stuff! Let's just do this and you can be all lovey dovey later.' She lessened the seeming harshness of her words by picking up the arm that was around her shoulders and planting a soft kiss on the back of his hand.

* * *

><p>As they stepped out of the glass doors, a sleek black town car drew up in front of the building. Edgar, the driver, who had often driven them before, was surprised when Rick Castle, famous among the drivers who worked for this particular car service for being generous, polite and pleasant, almost snarled at him when he got out of the limousine to open the doors for them. 'About time! What took you so long?'<p>

As the writer did not seem to be waiting for an answer, being too busy trying to help his wife into the car, Edgar did not bother to say anything. An indulgent smile showed briefly on his face as he looked at the tall, beautiful woman, slender as a reed, apart from her large, rounded stomach. Having been through it three times himself, he knew that prospective fathers could not be expected to remember their manners at a time like this.

As soon as they were both in the car, Kate stopped Rick as he was about to tell Edgar to leave. 'Haven't we forgotten something?'

Rick's eyes widened. 'Wha…..?'

'The bag, you idiot. The bag you've repacked seventeen times in the last week at least.'

He went an even paler colour. 'Oh, God, wait here. I'll be right back!'

With that, he jumped out of the car, nearly tripping over in his rush to go back to the apartment, causing Kate to roll her eyes.

When he returned, in less time than you would have thought possible for a man his age, he shoved the bulging overnight case into the car and leapt in after it, shouting at Edgar to drive off. The big black car moved smoothly off.

'Ever heard of the expression 'More haste, less speed', Rick? If you fell over and broke your leg or your neck, that might delay things a little, don't you think? And, by the way you're gasping for air, a heart attack might not be out of the question. Way to put a dampener on our child's first day in the world, big guy. '

She spoke sarcastically but nothing could hide the gleam of affection in her eyes. He was an idiot, but he was her idiot.

* * *

><p>He had collapsed onto the seat next to her, trying to get his breath back. After a minute or so, he sat up, and pushed the leather bag more securely onto the seat opposite.<p>

Kate looked at the enormous holdall in amusement. 'What exactly's in there, honey? I packed the basics ages ago, but every time I've looked at it, it seems to have grown bigger.'

Rick looked a little sheepish. 'Well, you know me. I like to be prepared. I want to make sure you have everything you need.'

'Hopefully, I'll only be in there for a couple of days. That looks enough for a Caribbean cruise!'

'I thought you might need…. stuff. You know, things to do. And nice things to eat. And a few changes of clothes. And baby things.'

'For a writer, your vocabulary is certainly slipping. What kind of 'things'?'

'Oh, you know, books, an iPad, games, lotion, candy, … stuff,' he ended, somewhat lamely.

'Yep, because I'm going to have a lot of free time in there.'

'Well, who knows how long the labour will be? It's only in movies where the woman pops the baby out in ten minutes, while still wearing her underwear!'

She laughed at that, but suddenly her face twisted. 'Ohhhh!' She flinched as another contraction ripped through her.

Immediately Rick moved closer to her, wrapped his arms around her and tried to hug the pain away. She put her hand up to his face, seeking comfort from his presence but also trying to reassure him that she was ok.

When the pain had subsided, she began talking again, trying to take that overwrought look off his face.

'You know, I'm the novice here. You've been through all this before. You'd think I'd be the one to be a basket case, especially as it's actually happening to my body, not yours. And you yourself said it could be hours yet.'

'Don't confuse me with your logic. Anyway, it's easy for you to say that, sitting there all glowy and Madonna-like, while I'm the one who feels completely useless and has to watch as his wife goes through a very difficult and painful ordeal.'

'EASY for me to say! Seriously, Rick? Seriously? Ever tried pushing a basketball out of your…' She didn't finish her sentence but twisted his ear in mock anger, unable to hide the smile on her face.

'Apples! Apples! Sorry, bad choice of words. I just mean that this is something out of my control and it's scary and I hate to see you suffer.'

'Honey, six billion people in the world clearly show that this is something that happens a LOT! And the vast majority of women have no problems. I've got the best medical care money can buy, that hospital suite is like a five star hotel and I'm fit and healthy. It'll all work out.' She took his hand as it restlessly played with the strap of the bag. She laid it on her huge stomach, and rested her hand on top.

'Junior here is a little impatient to come out, so he's a few days early, that's all. Well, no surprise there. He must take after Daddy.'

* * *

><p>Rick could not help grinning at that, but, with a characteristic lightning change of mood, he glanced at his watch, looked outside at the busy streets, and realised that the traffic was moving at a glacial speed. He set his teeth in frustration and then pressed the intercom button.<p>

'Edgar, what's taking so long? Do you really want Mrs Castle to have the baby in here?'

'Sorry, Mr C., but there's been an accident up ahead and we may be some time.'

The writer clutched at his hair, making it stand up in adorable confusion. 'Oh my God, what are we going to do?'

He fidgeted on his seat, his head looking from side to side at the chaos outside, and then back to his wife, leaning back against the seat cushions, with her eyes closed. He let his eyes rest on her for a moment, once again caught off guard by her loveliness and by the fact that she was his. His face softened and his blue eyes shone suspiciously brightly, overwhelmed as he was by the way his life had turned out.

Feeling his eyes on her, Kate opened hers and felt her heart swell at the expression on his face. She put her hand on his arm and drew him back to her side. Lifting the arm over her head, she snuggled her face into his shoulder.

'We're going to stay calm. We still have time and Edgar's doing his best. Now, instead of freaking out, why don't you read Junior and me a story, to keep us occupied until we get there?'

Rick tightened his grip on her, and kissed the top of her shapely head. He then pulled out his phone. With a few taps on the screen, he called up a text stored there and began to read, in his rich, warm voice.

'There was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid..…'

'That's your choice? The Velveteen Rabbit? You're such a sap.'

He looked a little hurt. 'Hey, it was one of Alexis' favourites!'

Kate relented and, leaning up to place a loving kiss on his jaw, she whispered, 'Mine, too. Good choice, Writer Boy.'

With that, she cuddled deeper into his side, gave a sigh and closed her eyes. As his deep, chocolaty brown tones washed over her, she knew that everything would be as it should be. In a few hours, there would be another addition to their family, another Castle male to cause mayhem and magic in the world. What more could anyone wish for?

Edgar edged the car slowly forward into a gap that had miraculously opened up in the traffic, just where he could turn off and take a shortcut to the hospital. He breathed a sigh of relief. No way did he want to be on the news as the chauffeur who helped deliver a famous writer's baby in the back of a limousine. He glanced in the mirror at the two in the back and smiled. Didn't they make the greatest couple? That was going to be one lucky baby.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **__NOW I think I am done with this story, though it does seem to have a life of its own! Thanks to Tiff, who got it all started, and to everyone who reviewed. I can't tell you how thrilling it has been to read all your comments. I know it was very fluffy. But I need that in preparation for Ep 1, as I think that will be traumatic on an epic scale! _


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